[CathieC]

Age is a Funny Thing

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" Well . . .... You'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, DDS, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ... Or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"

[elcelcpa]

Christmas season can bring out the dysfunction in all of us...

[CathieC]

What's in the box?

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food.
She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out
Counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot
Sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of
Old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants
Proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought
It back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day,She tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said"I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that
You have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but
The management wants proof that you are buying the dog
Food for your dog."So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The
Little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the
Box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into
The box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That
Smells like sh*t."
The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet
Paper."
So......... Don't mess with old people.

[ConnieLea]

GOOD ONE,CATHIEC

"DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE"

SO TRUE,SO TRUE........
CAUSE THEY'LL SURELY GET YOU BEFORE IT'S OVER

[CathieC]

Thank you, Connie Lea!!!

[CathieC]

Deer Tick Warning

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!

IT IS A SCAM!! .............................................................................................................. they only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

[ConnieLea]

LIVING WHERE TICKS ARE ABUNDANT I CAN REALLY RELATE TO THIS

AND ABOUT 3 MILES EAST OF ME,AT THE FOOT OF THE MOUNTAIN,I WONDER HOW MANY FOLKS NEEDED TO GET THIS E-MAIL BEFORE SUMMER WAS OVER

DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET 'EM ALL,CATHIEC.....BUT KEEP 'EM COMIN'....
CAUSE THEY'RE GREAT

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

HAPPY GAMING

[CathieC]

Tie Discipline

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

[CathieC]

God the Parent

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.

"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Where?"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"DID so!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.

[CathieC]

The Best Programmer

Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.

They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."

Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.

Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckled. "Jesus Saves" he said.

[CathieC]

Losing Engines

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

[ConnieLea]

TWO BLONDES STANDING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF A CREEK........

ONE CALLS OUT TO THE OTHER "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?"

THE OTHER ONE ANSWERS "DUHHH,YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE."

[elcelcpa]

[taokeema]

Read this on my health & fitness site forum, and just had to come share it here. I hope y'all are having a great 2012. Miss you! tao

Bodily Functions

Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.

One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."

"So what's your problem?" asked the others.

"Well, I don't wake up until nine."

[ConnieLea]

GOOD ONE,TAO


HAPPY GAMING