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The Importance of Laughter - Clean Jokes
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:15 am    Post subject: The Importance of Laughter - Clean Jokes Reply with quote

Abbott & Costello meets Computers


You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:! Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Window's.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word .

COSTELLO: What word?

ABOT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'
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Jindog



Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 2210

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tasharoo, that is so funny and cute. It wasn't that long ago I sounded like that and seriously that is the funny part.
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taokeema



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Posts: 822

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Perfect! Thanks for sharing, Tasharoo!
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lunasea



Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Posts: 919

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Computer Skills
When Suzy decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library.

After about a month, the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff."

"Thanks," Suzy said. "What makes you say that?"

The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has 'For Dummies' in the title."
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ykikamoocow



Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 106

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Reply with quote

Hello, loved both, lunasea,and Tasharoo, they both sound very much like me. Very funny, thanks for sharing.
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Microsoft Opens a New Restaurant

Customer: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your support staff. May I please have your telephone number, and address? Your visit may be monitored for training purposes. Now, please tell me your problem.
Customer: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Please exit the restaurant and re-enter through the front entrance. Is the fly still there?
Customer: Yes, the fly is still in my soup

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the spoon. Try ladling with the other hand
Customer: Whichever hand I use to spoon the soup, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Customer: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: It looks like a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Customer: Your colleague brought the bowl on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?

Waiter: What was the last thing you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Customer: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Customer: You have more than one Soup of the Day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every 10 minutes.
Customer: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is mushroom.
Customer: OK , I'll try the mushroom soup

Waiter: Here is your soup of the day.
Customer: This is celery soup.

Waiter: Yes, the mushroom soup is still in beta testing.




Good one Lunasea.. did a c&p on the cartoon - found it - hilarious - thanks for sharing - good inner jogging - loved both
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fradeb



Joined: 30 Oct 2009
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

FUNNY THANKS FOR THE GOOD OLD DAYS
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tobby 1



Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey you really makes me laugh. Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ice Picks
Ben and Colin are two elderly gentlemen who live in New York State who love going fishing together. They decide to do some 'ice fishing'. Since neither have experienced it before, Ben suggests that going north into Canada might be a good idea and Colin agrees so off they go. On arrival they find the lake is frozen nicely.

They stop just before they get to the lake at a little local bait shop and buy all their tackle. Colin comments, 'Hey, Ben, we're going to need an ice pick.'

So they purchase that and stride to the lake. After about two hours, Colin returns to the bait shop saying, 'We're going to need another dozen ice picks.'

The shopkeeper is surprised and wants to ask some questions, but he doesn't. He sells the fisherman the picks, and the old boy leaves.

About an hour later hour, Ben arrives at the shop, 'We're going to need all the ice picks you've got.' The bait man can't stand it any longer. 'Say man,' he asks, 'how are you two fellows doing?'

'Not very well at all,' mutters an irritated Ben, 'We haven't even got the boat in the water yet.'
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ima



Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 295

PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh my heavens!! that was awesome! I am still laughing. They have me rolling on the floor!! Thanks SO much. Laughter is so good for the soul.
Ima
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taokeema



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Posts: 822

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tasharoo, great one, thanks for the laugh!
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lunasea



Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Posts: 919

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband is 67 years old and loves to fish ...

... He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'pick me up."
He looked around and could not see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again, "pick me up".

He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog. My husband said, "are you talking to me"?

The frog said, "yes, I'm talking to you, pick me up and kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen and will give you the most wonderful pleasures that you have ever dreamed of."

My husband looked at the frog for a short time and then reached over and picked it up carefully, placing it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you pleasures like you have never had."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
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joyetta44



Joined: 15 Apr 2009
Posts: 337

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 9:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lunasea,that is a great one, gave me a good laugh this morning Laughing
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Veterinarian's Bill

An old woman took a very limp parrot into a vet's office. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, but Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, your parrot is definitely 100% certifiably ... dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the old lady.

The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$500!," she cried, "$500 just to tell me that my bird is dead!?" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but what with the Lab report and the Cat scan..."




Great one Lunasea - still chuckling Laughing Laughing
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wedding Bells
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll and go in a drug store.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do.."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry
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