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The Importance of Laughter - Clean Jokes
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Tasharoo



Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 452

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NICE BOY

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
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PCJuli



Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 504

PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 12:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Southern Ingenuity

One morning 3 South Carolina good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Spartanburg train station heading to Columbia for a big football game.

The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.

"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.

"Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.

He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the Columbia train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

"Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".

There's just no way to explain how the Yankees won the war...
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ConnieLea



Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 2711

PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PCJuli,
I'M FROM THE SOUTH...
AND IF YOU THINK THAT DIDN'T GET A LAUGH...
WELL...
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN HERE Exclamation Exclamation

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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PCJuli



Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 504

PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

THE DENTIST VISIT

The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

"No way! No needles. I hate needles," the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”
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ConnieLea



Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 2711

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

U DO COME UP WITH SOME GOOD ONES Exclamation Exclamation
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PCJuli



Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 504

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks ConnieLea. I get a little help from my friends (email = a laugh a day)
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ConnieLea



Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 2711

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

KEEP IT UP GAL,WE NEED SOME LAUGHS HERE!!!!

DON'T KNOW IF 'BLONDE' JOKES OFFEND...
BUT HERE'S ONE OF MY FAVS......


DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT GOT FIRED FROM THE M&M FACTORY?

SHE GOT FIRED FOR THROWING OUT THE 'W's'
Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation
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elcelcpa



Joined: 19 Jun 2006
Posts: 1171

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's time for a laugh, and this comic strip by tundracomics.com did it for me this morning...



This is in honor of PCJuli, Petunia, CathieC, and all you other GDG friends who have posted hilarious funnies in the past. Cool
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pinkystinky



Joined: 21 Apr 2011
Posts: 99

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
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ConnieLea



Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 2711

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pinkystinky,--------

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

I hadn't heard that one before.I luv to it when new jokes turn up.

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

That was a good one.
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PCJuli



Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 504

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 12:19 am    Post subject: The Italian Mama Reply with quote

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a
female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and
wrote an email:

Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not
saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you
"do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in
her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama

Moral: DON"T MESS WITH YOU MAMA
Wink
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ConnieLea



Joined: 10 Dec 2008
Posts: 2711

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

That would be my mom to the 'T' Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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lisa819



Joined: 27 Jun 2011
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PCJuli, That was just too funny. Laughing Laughing Thank you for sharing it and giving us the gift of a good laugh.
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PCJuli



Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 504

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, "Name seven advantages of
Mother's Milk". The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven
advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice-versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation,
just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough
off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

Wink
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pinkystinky



Joined: 21 Apr 2011
Posts: 99

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:35 pm    Post subject: Oldie Reply with quote

Woman opened the door of her refrigerator, and saw a rabbit lying on one of the shelves. She asked him what he was doing there. He said "this is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" She said yes. He said "well I'm westing."
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